Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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