Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
