This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he shaved USA in his pubs
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
