The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
