I cockslap morals
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No subtext here. People are naked.
should my penis look like a turkey
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
