you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
