i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
