apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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