We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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