Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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