I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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