So drunk its hurt
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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