She announced her abortion via fbk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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