My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
