I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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