Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there was a trapeze. enough said
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
