my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
