If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
