so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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