yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
