Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
