cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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