My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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