idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
