The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
