ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
