Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
