Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
