I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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