Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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