you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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