k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
