i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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