Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
