I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
