he thought i was a dude.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
