Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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