It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
