I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize