You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
