i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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