Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
