i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
