on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
