remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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