they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize