Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
