I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize