im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
