I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
