Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
