There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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