Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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