I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am naked and annoyed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
