dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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