we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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