Redeem this text for a blowjob
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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