after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
