You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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