if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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