I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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