quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
this hospital has no fireball
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
