did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
