I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
