You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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