I'm eating all of the evidence.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
