Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
